“To honor…with dignity.”
This is the official motto of the U.S. Air Force Honor Guard. Over the past six months, I’ve had the distinct privilege of serving as a member of the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base Honor Guard. Our primary mission is to provide military honors at the funerals of veterans, retirees, and active duty members who served honorably in the Air Force. Military honors consist of folding the flag, playing taps, presenting the flag, and sometimes a firing party and color guard, depending on if the person was a veteran, retiree, or active duty service member.
In six months, I provided military honors at 52 funerals across Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, and Kentucky. In the beginning, I was really nervous that I wasn’t going to be able to handle it. I’m typically one of those sappy girls who cries during those sad animal commercials and cheesy romantic comedies. Seeing people cry always makes me cry. I couldn’t even imagine how I was going to handle offering a folded flag to a crying widow.
I guess its pretty amazing what you can do, and what you can get used to, when you have to…especially when you know how much it means to the loved ones left behind.
Moreover, it’s amazing what you can learn about life from being around so much death…
Expect the Unexpected
Before I went on my first detail, I spent two weeks in training, where I learned the basics and prepared for the unexpected. Inevitably, strange things tend to happen at funerals, and we have to be ready to go with the flow and maintain a standard of professionalism at all times. Although I never experienced anything too crazy, I did have a few curveballs thrown at me.
- For starters, I was the Officer in Charge at an active duty service for an Airman that went Missing in Action during the Vietnam War. His parents never gave up hope that he would one day find his way home. So, it wasn’t until they both passed away that his siblings decided to give him a proper funeral and memorial service. This was a full 21-person detail, complete with color guard, firing party, and fly over.
- I served at another service where the veteran got out of the Air Force and went on to become a deacon, and was very involved in his local church. However, his service was rather frustrating. Rather than commemorate him, the pastor took two hours to preach about the destructive ways of today’s youth and to pressure other congregation members to step up and fill this man’s shoes. He literally brought in several pairs of the man’s shoes and waited until people volunteered to come take a shoe, each associated with a specific duty, before continuing closing the service.
- Of course, the weather can always become an issue as well. A couple of months ago there was a pretty bad storm, including a tornado watch, that swept through Louisville, Kentucky and the surrounding region. The storm brought extremely strong winds and torrential downpours with it. Where do you think I was during this storm? Yep, right in the middle of it! We were at an outdoor funeral for a 71 year-old man who was run over and killed by his own tractor.
- As if that wasn’t crazy enough, the curveball that pretty much takes the cake was the 52nd and final detail I performed. It turned out to be a double-funeral for a husband and wife. Before we arrived at the cemetery, we assumed it must have been a car accident. However, the groundskeeper informed us that the couple was actually murdered in their home, which was then set on fire with them inside it.
You know, I may have never served in combat during my four years in the Air Force, but I’ve sure seen some awful and difficult things.
Three Types of Funerals
Aside from these more unusual circumstances, the majority of funeral services fell into three main camps:
The Quiet Passing
These were the funerals that only a few people showed up to. Barely anything was said, and the service was over in the blink of an eye. Here was someone who had served their country and existed for a time on this earth. But who were they? Had they truly lived their lives? Would they be missed? These were the souls that slipped quietly away, whose passing was largely unnoticed by the rest of the world.
The Ritual Gathering
These made up the bulk of the funerals I attended. They typically had medium or even large sized crowds. As one might expect at a funeral, the mood was very solemn. Before the service, the people conversed quietly with one another, often catching up with family members they rarely see. Once the service began, children shifted uncomfortably in their seats as pastors and priests read through religious passages. Silent tears turned to muffled cries as taps began to play. These people laughed and loved. They worked and played. They saw good times and bad, and hopefully lived out their lives in the best way they knew how.
The Celebration of Life
These funerals were fewer and further between, but were by far the most memorable. These were the funerals that humbled me and forced me to take a closer look out how I’m living my own life. Although they varied between religious and not, families large and small, there was something they all had in common: these were people who lived a life uncommon.
These services were filled with grandsons who stood up to talk about their favorite memories with their grandfathers, daughters who learned their most valuable life lessons from their fathers, and sons who hoped they could become even half the man their father had been. They were filled with memories, laughter, tears, and songs. These services were not about commemorating a death; they were about celebrating a life.
It was easy to see each of these people were truly loved, and that they will be remembered long after they are gone. These were the people who saw more in others and got more out of life. Their lives were sometimes simple, but always meaningful. These were wise men and women who experienced life fully, and whose legacy will live on for years to come.
Which kind do you think yours will be?
Reflecting on Life
After attending so many funerals, I couldn’t help but think about my own funeral. It reminded me of an exercise from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People workshop I attended several years ago.
The point of the exercise was to highlight the fact that effective people take time to define the legacy they want to leave behind in each of the key roles in their lives. These roles are the relationships and responsibilities they consider most important. The instructions were to:
- Identify and write up to seven key roles (both personal and professional).
- Identify and write a key person’s name for each role.
- Visualize your 80th birthday party, including each of the key people you just listed. Imagine that each of these people were to stand up and give a tribute speech. How would they describe you and what would you want them to say?
Now, my version is a bit more morbid I suppose, but the point is the same:
- Imagine these same people at your funeral.
- Who would be there and what would they say about you?
- What would your contribution or legacy be?
- Finally, if you could write your own eulogy, what would you say?
My Eulogy
I’d like to think my eulogy might sound something like this:
Above all, Adrienne always brought joy into the lives of others. She certainly led an interesting life, didn’t she? She was always learning, trying new things, and having fun. But more than that, Adrienne truly enjoyed serving others. Her greatest passion was sharing her wisdom with others and encouraging them to grow as individuals, to fully experience the gift of life, and to continuously give back. She showed us how to come together as a community, seeing one another as we are on the inside, in terms of our enormous potential. Her presence, generosity, sense of adventure, and spirit of love will not soon be forgotten. She will live in our hearts as a guide, leading us towards greater wisdom and love.
Now, if that day were to come tomorrow, I certainly don’t think this is what they would be saying! But why not strive for true greatness? I’m imagining this eulogy at the end of a long life well lived. So what do I need to do to make that happen? That’s exactly what this blog is all about!
Your Legacy
This isn’t something to put off. Life is short, and there are no guarantees about how much time we get. You don’t need to go to 52 funerals to figure out what’s important in life. Just spend a few minutes thinking about your own legacy. Take a stab at your own eulogy. Write it down, and take a peek at it from time to time.
What are you doing to live up to that eulogy?
If you’re up to sharing, I would love to hear what you come up with!
Dear Sweet Adrienne,
I love a blog post that not only the title captivates me, but I can’t stop reading the post; I am *compelled* to read it. This was fascinating, compelling and moving. Beautiful.
When I was reading your eulogy, my immediate thought was, YES!, all that and more. And the most important “more” would be that you live with your heart wide open. The first time I “met” you I saw that and fell in love with your AMAAAAAZINGLY open, innocent, and vivacious spirit. I felt I had found a kindred spirit.
You reflect to me a way of life that I hold dear and precious, and that is to live life FULL-ON with your heart wide open to life and love. You are a beautiful soul that moves through the world loving all around you. I SO relate to that. You change lives, just in being you. I love you!!!! Huge hugs, Robin
PS: Have a warm, fun and stress-free holiday season. Thank you for being in my life. You are seen, and SO appreciated. And I am deeply grateful for all you have shared with me.
Robin, I would say that you can’t know how much your loving words mean to me…but I know you do! Knowing that someone like you exists in the world, and even better, that I have the pleasure of knowing you…is really such a gift! I have to tell you…I love the phrase “kindred spirit.”
It reminds me of the movie “Anne of Green Gables,” which was one of my absolute favorite growing up.
I know for sure that you are one of those special people who will continue to shine your light and love on this earth long past your days on it. I would love to wander off into the woods with you for awhile and be able to see the world as you do…what a rare gift indeed.
love this article. So proud of you.
Thank you! It was an honor to serve and an honor to share my thoughts with you here! So happy you stopped by.
An amazing wake-up call.
First, thank you for your service.
My eulogy may be a simple one: Alex was kind and lived without regret.
Thanks for this today,
Alex
Alex, thank YOU! I hope this doesn’t come out the wrong way, but you truly are wise beyond your years. I love the simplicity of what you shared here, and it’s a beautiful reminder and wake up call for me as well. I think the men I speak of in this post, those mentioned in the third category, would have said the same thing as you. There’s so much more that could be said (and was said) about each of them, but in the end what really matters is the kind of person you are and the way you live your life. If you can sum those up into “kind” and “without regret,” then I think you’ve done pretty darn good.
Wow, what an interesting post! I really hope that when I go, I have the 3rd kind of funeral. I’m generally a happy, laughing person, and I hope that my family and friends will celebrate that with stories of my life.
I think I’d have to take some time to think about a Eulogy. I really don’t know what it’d say. Foremost of anything, I hope it’s say I was a good and loving wife and mother. To have raise happy, healthy (socially and physically) children is probably one of the best legacies I could leave.
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Hey Andra, it’s great to hear from you!! Yes, I’d have to say you’re generally a happy and laughy person (ah, good memories!!).
“A good and loving wife and mother” –> Simple, beautiful, and more than a lot of people can claim! Yes, i think this is one of the best legacies someone can leave. Do you know that song by Jamie O’Neal, “Somebody’s Hero?” It always makes me cry like a baby cus it reminds me of my mom. She’s no superhero, but what she’s done for me and the love and support she’s given me are more than any person could ever hope for. Everything good that comes through me is because of her and becomes part of her legacy. I hope my kids can say the same…and yours too!
All I can say is I’m in tears, you move my heart, daughter of mine! I love you!!
Haha, just reading this simple little line…thinking about you in tears…brings tears to my eyes!! I can’t wait to give you big hugs!
xoxo
Hi Adrienne! I commend you for your service, courage, and grace under unexpected circumstances. Writing our eulogy is a very interesting and humbling exercise. thanks for proving this experience. Loving blessings!
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Andrea, thank you so much!
Haha, I know, it’s a bit of a crazy thought/exercise, but when you spend so much time at funerals, you can’t help but think about that stuff. At least I did! It was definitely a blessing in disguise.
Adrienne,
There is no question you bring joy into the lives of others! We don’t have to wait until your funeral to celebrate that. I celebrate that right now.
I commend you on the courage, dignity, and kindness you display being present at these funerals. This is an unusual topic and I comment you for having the guts to write about it. So much is to be learned from waking up to the truth of impermanence. I love how you framed this in terms of creating a legacy. Great post!
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Hi Sandra,
Yes, I suppose it’s not your everyday topic…unless of course you’re around it everyday.
Like I said in the post, it’s kind of strange the things that you can get used to. This was just a short tour for me, but there are people who work in the funeral business for a living and think nothing of it. It was nice for me to step into that world for just a short time…that way I learned something from it, but stepped away with those lessons before it became too commonplace. Perhaps that’s why I like learning and exploring new things so much!
Adrienne,
Our moments here on earth, in this physical presence we are in today…that’s fleeting. I just had someone remark to me at how quickly this year has gone. Indeed, it had. Yet, on a daily basis, any particular day, it might just seem like another day. Another day…until…do we stop at some point and say “where has time gone?”.
So, our moment in now. For each of us. This is what we have, this present moment. And we just don’t know how many of those moments we’ll have.
When I let that thought more deeply sink in to my soul…I’m reminded of what makes life so worth living…the experience of being alive (of being truly alive).
Adrienne, your words that touch upon your eulogy…they DO shine to the soul I see in you. You are doing this. And in seeing that, you…you are a beautiful gift to all who somehow cross your path in this life journey.
And know also what a gift you are to all those veterans whom you served in their final hour. A beautiful, caring act of service…
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Hi Lance,
Yes, it’s strange how fast time seems to slip by, and for me it’s a continuous struggle to really live in the moment. I’m always energized by thinking about possibilities, what could be, and the person I’m really striving to become. I think that can be a good thing, but there needs to be balance. For me, this experience was a beautiful reminder that its what you and who you are each and every day that really matters. Our lives are made up of moments…
Furthermore, it’s “spending time” with amazing people like YOU and all the other wonderful friends I’ve met through blogging that helps keep me grounded in what’s important. So much wisdom and support is only a click away these days, and that’s truly amazing.
Thanks for all you do, Lance, each and every moment!
Adrienne,
How beauty filled–thank you!
So much I could say..but you seem to Know it based upon your eulogy. The words you chose and aspire to capture your essence now–you shine..absolutely:)
Two things..I work in the local hospital..I’ve seen physical death and all surrounding it. I work with people in emotional pain..I’ve seen emotional death and all surrounding it. Two years ago I had a near death experience, and last year I was diagnosed with Stage 3 cervical cancer, which I have ‘survived’. I’ve written my eulogy in my mind a few times.
what I know for sure is this: mine would be a celebration. If I had my way..on the beach with music and delicious food, laughter and dancing and great joy. I asked my loved ones to honor their belief and not allow my passing to interfere with their heart truths. To not mourn what they feel they are missing, but to celebrate the moments we’d shared and the joy they feel. I live in this moment, and I open my heart fully to this moment; my passion is to share peace and love and I know that is the legacy I leave. May I be most mindful always that each Being I interact with be left with a smile in their heart, warmth in their soul, and a nugget of hope in their minds..And may each being Know that I appreciate the time and energy we shared..whether a passing moment or many experiences..
Joy,
Wow, I’m so humbled once again… You are a true testament to the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” except with you, your experiences make you even more open and loving, which is just so amazing!
I absolutely love the “celebration” you described here! Your words belong in a poetry collection.
I hope you don’t mind, but I’m snagging these last few lines to copy in my dream journal, which is where I keep all of my favorite quotes, ideas, lessons learned, etc. Thanks so much for sharing!!
“I live in this moment, and I open my heart fully to this moment; my passion is to share peace and love and I know that is the legacy I leave. May I be most mindful always that each Being I interact with be left with a smile in their heart, warmth in their soul, and a nugget of hope in their minds..And may each being Know that I appreciate the time and energy we shared..whether a passing moment or many experiences.”
Thanks for serving on the WPAFB Honor Guard, LT. To Honor With Dignity.
Lt Col Ray Powell
Lt Col Powell,
Sir, thank you so much! It was my honor and definitely one of the best and most humbling experiences of my life. Thank you for what you do as well!
I was googling pictures for a Veterans Day tribute and I saw yours, knew it had to be WPAFB. I did my six month tour and then some, and I’m currently applying to be a staff member. Way to represent the Air Force well.
Chris,
That’s awesome! Thanks so much for your service and good luck getting on staff! You’ll definitely be working with some great people. Serving on the Honor Guard was definitely one of the highlights of my career.