If there’s one word that leaves a sour taste in my mouth more than any other word in the English language, it’s content. I’m not talking about the words that you write or something that goes in a box. I’m talking about the state of being content.
What is the point in just being content? The way I see it, content is settling for a lesser version of yourself and a lesser version of your life.
Maybe I dislike content so much because for several years, I had to sit by and watch content steal the life out of my once strong, confident, and determined mom. I watched as she gained weight, let her hair fall lifelessly around her face, and as she let the years pass by unnoticed. Whenever I would question her, asking her why she let her life become that way, she would always reply, “Adrienne, I’m content.”
Her words used to fill me with confusion and fury.
More than that, they filled me with a deep sense of helplessness and sadness. My mom’s life was withering away in front of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. My mom, who had sacrificed so much for me over the years, who had always been my immovable pillar of love, encouragement, and support, had become a shell of what she once was. She had stopped dreaming. She had settled.
It’s something that happens to a lot of parents, I think.
They want more for their kids than they want for themselves. Somewhere along the way, the idea cropped up that it’s a noble thing to sacrifice everything for your children. Perhaps you are thinking, what’s wrong with that? Or, you don’t have kids, so you couldn’t possibly understand. But I’ll tell you what, as a driven and fiercely determined teenager, I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand how my mom, who would give anything to see me achieve my dreams, had none of her own. She had traded them for what she thought was stability and security.
Until one day, he didn’t come home.
It was the beginning of a very difficult couple of years for my mom. And yet, It was also the day she stopped dying…and started to live again. A year from that day, she was twenty pounds lighter, wearing her bathing suit and sarong, dipping her toes in the sand and sipping a pina colada on the shores of Megan’s Bay. She had started dating again. She was smiling and laughing again. Most importantly, she was dreaming again.
She became a living version of the George Strait song, She let herself go.
She finally realized that she didn’t want to settle for content. In fact, she never really had been content. She had been afraid. Afraid to be alone. Afraid of being embarrassed. Afraid to lose it all. Afraid.
Afraid is a dark and terrible place to be.
It’s the place where clouds darken the sky and blot out the sun. It’s a place where invisible shackles chain you to your house or to someone’s side. It’s a flat land where the colors are drab and the food is bland. It is and endless cycle of monotonous existing.
But do you know what lies just across the dark waters of afraid?
The shores of Hope and Dreams. It’s where people are no longer afraid, they are alive.
Now, I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and roses. Far from it. In the land of Hopes and Dreams, some dreams are achieved, and others are shattered. Love and sorrow dwell abound, along with every feeling in between. You will find the most delicious foods and vivid colors. You will succeed and you will fail. You will experience the good and the bad. In the end, you will learn, you will, grow, and you will know what it means to experience life fully.
You see, that’s the thing about life. To truly experience it, you have to take it all in.
To reach the highest of highs, sometimes you have to climb from the lowest of lows. But, once you are up there, you will know that every step has been worth it. You can look back on all that you’ve gained, all that you’ve learned, and all that you have become. You can breathe in the sweet air of no regrets. You can look down on the Valley of Content, and smile.
Which land are you living in? Are you settling for content?
Have you let your kids or someone else’s dreams become more important than your own?
I’m not telling you that’s a bad thing. Your kids and your loved ones need your love and support. They need your encouragement and maybe even your sacrifices. But they need more than that.
They need your example.
They need to see you conquering your fears and achieving your dreams. If you want to see them reach their highest potential, you need to be reaching for yours. If you dream of seeing your loved ones living a life of purpose, meaning, and happiness, if you wish for them to fully experience the gift of life, then you must lead the way.
My mom used to say to me, “What’s wrong with being content? I’m fine with what I have and the way my life is.” So I finally asked her, “You mean to tell me there is absolutely nothing about your life that you would change? That you are perfectly happy and fulfilled?”
“Well, no…”
“Then you are not content! You are just settling.”
There is always room to grow and we always have more to give.
To hell with content.
Be wise. Live life!
Adrienne,
Thank you for sharing this personal and insightful post.
I understand what you are talking about because I have seen this “content” emotion play a part in some people who are very dear to my heart. The way I see this is: life is lived once and I can either choose to open each and every moment with my presence or loose the opportunity to be one with life itself. The choice is always open and all it takes is a bit of courage and a bit of action, the rest will come with these actions. As an example, You could have chosen to speak in generic terms about this but your search for aliveness caused you to share something that is specific, personal and profound. I appreciate your post and look forward to learning more from you.
Un abrazo,
Bernardo
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Hi Bernardo,
Welcome! I’m so happy you wandered in my direction, I can tell I have a lot to learn from you, and I’m glad you were able to resonate with the story.
My mom is a truly wonderful person, but like so many people, she somehow lost her for many years and she got caught up in the business of living. The scary thing about being lost is that sometimes it takes a long time to even realize that we are lost. Many people live their lives completely “unaware,” and thus have “settled for content” as my mom had. They still have many dreams and are capable of so much more, but they just don’t know how to see it.
That’s where we come in! People like you and me and so many others who see the great potential in others and in the world. People have certain “callings” they are pulled towards, and mine is to help inspire others to see a bigger vision for themselves and the world…to help them find their path…and of course, to come to know what it means to experience life fully. Perhaps you share a similar calling?
This is great stuff! I just released the last area of my life (my job) where I had been settling for contentment, and so now I’m ready to French-kiss life again. Thank you for providing such a wonderful example to follow!
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Haha, thanks for putting a smile on my face, Jay! You know, sometimes the simplest things in life are the sweetest, like long walks in the woods with my dog, sipping a fresh cup of coffee in the morning, and awesome sayings like “French-kissing life!”
Congrats on releasing the job!! Soon to come for me…July. What’s next on the horizon for you?
Hi Adrienne,
This is incredible reflecting on the concept of contentment. How often do we settle for less? And why? I keep on telling myself that I might try that in a few more years. It’s too hard now, too many commitments. Am I settling, am I being content, have I given up?
Well life is short. Why wait for a time that may never come? If I knew that in a few years I would look back and wish I had acted then, would I change what I am doing right now? It’s always easy to look back and say “if I had known that back then …”
I’m joining you and saying “stuff being content, live life fully NOW”
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Hi David,
I feel you! I’ve been great about experiencing big events and adventures in my life, but not as great about “living life fully NOW.” Ultimately, our lives are the compilation of many days and our days are a string of moments. The more we can learn to pay attention to those moments to fully experience them, the happier we will be, the more fulfilled we will be, and most importantly, the more we will have truly lived.
It’s a tremendous challenge, but I am striving to make it a habit to truly be present, to fully engage with the people I encounter, and to be more aware. As a “visionary thinker,” my mind tends to wander into the future quite often. I think it’s good to imagine possibilities and a life that “could be” in order to have something to strive towards, but the reality is, we have no guarantees on how many tomorrows we will get. We really only have today.
Adrienne,
Thanks for allowing us to see this part of your relationship with your mother.
You make a good point – being content can be dangerous. As for me, I’d rather be a human “doing” than a human “being.”
I appreciate your wisdom,
Alex
Hi Alex! I’m happy to share…as my mom is my best friend and a truly incredible woman (even if she doesn’t realize it.)
Interesting perspective! I’ve often heard people say it the other way around…that we are human beings and not human doings. Really, I think life is both about “being” and “doing.” Being true to ourselves. Being in the moment. Being there for others. But also, giving, creating, contributing, and experiencing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Adrienne,
Your words brought so much emotion, pain, and memories that at this time I have no reply. Just wanted to let you know that this is a powerful discussion not only on a personal level but for all.
Love,
Aunt Nese
Aunt Nese,
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my thoughts and share yours…I know this is something our family has experienced on many levels…and I know we’re not alone.
I love you!! (((hugs)))
Adrienne,
That word…content…it’s an interesting one.
See, for me – I can be both content, and not – at the same time. I think of moments – and in a moment – I can be completely content – all is right and good (at that moment). There’s this thing, though – the “experience” of being fully alive (wow…I’ve almost completely used your site name in that sentence!!). And in that…”content” can feel limiting.
I can also speak as a parent – and how there are sacrifices we make for our children (and there’s much good in that). (by the way – I can just tell from reading this – how much your mother loves you, and how much you love her). (…and this is beautiful…)
So, today I choose to find contentment in my moments (although they are certainly not all “content” moments), while also seeking to go deeper, try new, be, do, have…(and not be content with where I’m at…)
(wow, I wonder if any of this makes any sense) (…besides in the spinning wheels within my brain!!)
Adrienne, your writing here today is touching, real, and filled with your heart and soul…and that is what draws me here and connects me more fully to you.
Peace,
Lance
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Dear Lance,
As always, I appreciate your insights here! You share some really good points about being content in the moment, and I agree that is a wonderful thing. There are certainly times when I have felt that…out hiking and come to a beautiful vista and think, “This is breath-taking. I could stand here forever and never need anything else.” But of course, the moment passes, and I carry that image with me as I continue on my journey.
And yes, I love my mom more than anyone or anything in this world.
I imagine my tune will change someday when I have children. That’s one of the beautiful things about life though, we are continuously evolving. 
(On a side note…I’ve definitely been “funstorming!!”)
Hi Adrienne,
Yay for your mom!
I live life fully, to the max, each and every day..I stretch, I leap, I embrace, I release, I create, I love..I understand the point of your post and I agree; however, there are days that I love to be “content”–to just be taking in the sunrise, experiencing quiet in nature, kayaking along the harbor, unplugged, just “being” content. No expectations, obligations, just experiencing the vivid, delicious, beauty filled moments of life. Content. Peace filled. Which usually is the plateau I am in either refreshing before the next move, leap, step..or reveling in the latest dream become reality..
Content may equal fear as you explain above…or content may be the most peace filled place one may be..I know some people who stay busy because they are afraid to be content..to just “be”..
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Joy, I know you do!!!
You raise a valid point that is also shared by Lance and Sandra. I agree that contentment in the moment can be a beautiful thing…and it’s a feeling I have experienced as well. I think you put it very well when you said it’s like the pause before the next leap. The danger is when that pause turns to years gone by…
I think age may also have something to do with this. From reading the book, “The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die,” it seems that there comes an age when those who have lived well and wisely look back on their lives with happiness and embrace each new day with contentment. They lived a worthy human life, and so they are content. Perhaps if we live each day this way, then in a sense, we can be content with each day. Something for me to think about…
Hi Adrienne,
It’s so funny how the same word can have completely different meanings for two people. I think contentment is the most lovely of words…if it’s true contentment! So much of our suffering comes from not being content in this moment, always wanting something else, something different. I don’t disagree with your points at all; it doesn’t sound like your mother had found true contentment. I’m happy she is so much happier now! So I understand full well what you are getting at! In my life though, I strive for contentment.
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Yay, Sandra!! I’m so happy to see you here and soak in what you have to share. As Joy and Lance have also pointed out, it seems that there is definitely a distinction between settling for being content, especially when one really isn’t, and being content in the moment. Perhaps the struggle for me was the fact that my mom used this word to meant that she had settled for her “lot in life” at that point in time. She was not truly happy or living the life she dreamed for herself, but that was all hidden under a mask of “content.” I think you’re right in that true contentment is something else entirely. Perhaps learning, growing, and living a meaningful life do not have to be contrary to contentment. If a person knows they are doing all of those things…then perhaps that is contentment? As I told Joy, something for me to think about.
I would give anything to be content. The word that should’ve been used is okay (for your mom) or settling (in the post). No one should ever settle and far too many do. Being content is an amazing feeling. It means you love your life and everything about it. Or even just that moment. I know when I feel that way I will have exactly the life I want. This doesn’t mean I won’t ever strive for anything else, but for once I can finally feel amazingly happy.
So much more I can say on this.
Dear na, I completely agree with your wise words.