9 Life Lessons I Learned from the Ones I Love

Recently, a friend of mine, who’s included on this list, was the best man at what sounded like a pretty incredible wedding that took place in France.  The bride and groom decided to do something I’ve never heard of before, but is something I wish I would have thought of for my own wedding!

They chose several people in their lives who represent one virtue they would like to cultivate in their marriage.  Something was said about each virtue, and then each person who represented that virtue walked up and placed a flower around the couple, forming a circle.

The people below are part of my own circle.  Although each of them has taught me many things, and while there are countless others who have taught me so much along the way, I’ve selected one virtue or lesson learned from each of these incredible people that speaks to me the most.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I wished I learned these lessons earlier in life.  I think they each came to me exactly when I needed them.  I guess life has a funny way of working itself out like that.  Without further ado, here are my

Life Lessons from the Ones I Love…

1. “A Little Encouragement Goes a Long Way.”

If that’s true, think of what a LOT of encouragement can do!  Encouragement and support are among the greatest gifts you can give someone. Since the day I was born, my Mom has been my greatest cheerleader, my number one fan, my flowing fountain of continuous support and encouragement.

There’s never been a time in my life where someone hasn’t believed in me.  My mom has always been that someone.  I don’t know that I fully appreciated all she gave me until I started meeting people who didn’t always or never had that person…an unshakable pillar of support.

Too many people I know have had parents or other influences in their life that have told them things like, “You don’t need to go to college.  You need to find a good husband that can take care of you.” “You can’t pursue a career in art…there’s no money in it.” “You don’t have enough (money, talent, skills, etc.) to do that.”

These negative seeds sprout into weeds of fear and doubt.  Not my Mom, though.  She’s always been there to plant positive seeds, to water and nourish them.  Her continuous care, encouragement, and support have allowed me to bloom into the person I am today.

What’s more, she’s taught me the importance of planting and nourishing the seeds of encouragement in others. I truly hope that I can make hers a gift that keeps on giving…to become a pillar of support and encouragement for my family, friends, and for you.

2. “Silence is Golden.”

I guess you could say that my little sister marches to her own drum.  The coolest part is, she knows the rhythm by heart.  I’ve spent the greater part of my life trying to understand that rhythm.  There have always been eleven years and a whole world of difference between us.  Recently, we’ve proactively started trying to close that gap.  We decided to start a blog of our own, just for the two of us to openly share ourselves with one another.

What I’ve found there has just completely blown me away.  It turns out my quiet, often withdrawn, and seemingly shy little sister is one of the most deeply profound individuals I have ever met.  She has an incredibly keen awareness and appreciation of her likes, dislikes, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, quirks, nuances, abilities, fears, and basically all things her.

By spending so much time in solitude and silence, she has hacked her way through the jungle of her own mind and plunged deep into the depths of her own heart. There, she’s discovered the very essence of herself. She realizes there are flaws there and still much growing to do; but mostly, she’s looked and seen how perfectly imperfect she is.  She has stood still in the moment and said, “I am all that I am, I have all that I need, and in this moment, I am content.”  Did I mention she’s 15??

I’ve learned so much from her already and I know there is so much more I can learn.  I know she sees me as being accomplished and successful, and she is striving to achieve that herself.  What she might not know is I see all she has accomplished and I am also striving to be like her – to connect with the essence of myself and my own inner sanctuary.  My sister has shown me, it’s a place that one only reaches through solitude and silence.

3. “Patience is a Virtue.”

To put it simply, my husband is always the calm during the storm.  Back in my college days, I used to have quite a temper.  I guess when I was younger, I learned yelling and crying were appropriate responses to anger and frustration.  I never really met anyone that challenged that mindset until I met Juan.

The first time he witnessed my temper, instead of reacting, yelling back, or getting frustrated with me, he just looked at me a little puzzled, and calmly asked, “Why are you yelling?”  It was my sudden wake-up call, my realization that my ranting wasn’t helping anything; it only made things worse.

Over the past four years, my husband’s seemingly endless flow of patience has helped me to channel my own frustrations into productive actions or discussions.  It’s also helped me to pick and choose my battles wisely.  More often than not, I’m able to stop and see my own silly overreaction, and to let it go.

I’m honestly not the same person I was before I met my husband.  I’m truly better because of him.  I don’t know that I’ll ever reach his level of patience, but his patience seems to be enough for the both of us. 

4. “Model the Way.”

My cousin, Miranda is like the older sister I never had.  From her, I learned how to shave my legs, dye my hair, build a fort, as well as a whole slew of other things that I won’t mention here.  As rowdy kids and rebellious teenagers, I never dreamed that she would continue to be my role model, but in a much different way.

She and her husband were married almost exactly a year before Juan and me.  They even helped Juan plan out the perfect proposal.  Watching the two of them together, their dedication, commitment, and devotion to one another really helped set the stage for our marriage. I could already see exactly how it should look.

About a year ago, I had the privilege of visiting them and their beautiful baby girl.  She was a year old at the time…walking around and getting into just about everything.  One evening, Miranda prepared an amazing salad, something with beans I think, and stashed it in the fridge for a party the following day.  Later that night, Miranda and her husband stood in the kitchen with the fridge open when along comes the baby.  In the blink of an eye, she had pulled the salad container from the shelf and beans sprawled out all over the floor.

“Oh no, here it comes.” I thought.  To my utter amazement, Miranda hardly batted an eye as she continued her conversation and quickly swept the remaining salad away.  Her love and complete devotion to her daughter shine through in her every action and word. Once again, Miranda was modeling the way for me, showing me exactly the kind of mother I hope to be.

5. “I Never Saw a Wild Thing Sorry for Itself…”

I can’t even begin to tell you how many things I’ve learned from my best friend, Corrine, or how important she is to me.  For now, I’ll focus on how incredibly self-reliant and incredibly capable she is.

You know the story of the Little Red Hen?  It was one of my favorites as a little girl.  No, Corrine is not like the Little Red Hen…she wouldn’t have asked for help in the first place.  (I’m not saying that asking for help is a bad thing – knowing when to ask for help can be a really good thing.) What I’m talking about here is the pure opposite of laziness.

Corrine and I lived together for four years, and I always liked to refer to her as “the man in the relationship.”  She was the one who fixed things when they broke and hauled crazy heavy stuff down flights of stairs and loaded it into the bed of her pick-up truck.  She was the girl who carried heavy saddles and shoveled horse poo without so much as a grunt.

She was never one to whine or complain about anything, which made her a pure joy to be around.  Her strength, both physical and mental, never ceased to amaze me. By the end of college, we definitely rubbed off on one another.  I’d like to think I softened her around the edges a bit, and she definitely showed me how to “man-up.”

6. “Less is More.”

I’ve always loved hiking and camping, but before I met Jenn, I had never been on a real overnight backpacking trip.  She showed me the ropes of backpacking, from planning and packing to Leave No Trace and leaving the world behind.

Through Jenn, I discovered a world without time, a place where my only worries were when to eat and where to set up camp.  There’s just something incredibly satisfying about arriving at your destination on your own two feet.

After a hard day’s hike, sipping hot cocoa out of tin cup and watching the sun slowly sink behind the mountaintops is pure bliss.  When I’m out on the trail, I rarely find myself missing my house, my dressy clothes, my electronics, or any of my other “stuff.”  Out there, I feel like I have everything I need.  I’m truly free.  By teaching me how to become a backpacker, Jenn really taught me how to enjoy the simplest things in life.

7. “The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste.”

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been naturally curious and drawn towards the sciences.  Of course, I learned all about critical thinking skills and why they’re so important in school, and I even got pretty good at applying these skills to my academic work.  However, the same wasn’t true for my personal life, at least not until I met Chris.

I’ve never been so instantly intrigued by anyone.  Every conversation with Chris leaves me thinking about the world and the way I perceive it just a bit differently. He has a very subtle way of getting me to examine my beliefs, why I believe them, and if those beliefs are justified in any way.

I’ve learned to ask “why?” and “how?” in a whole new way.  Though I’ve always been asking these questions, I now carefully consider the answers I get.  Do they make sense?  Have they come from a credible source?  Once again, all of this makes perfect sense in my Psychology graduate studies, but what about in everyday life?

Through Chris, my critical eye has become much sharper.  Rather than fall in line with the other lemmings, I’ve learned to questions my own thoughts, beliefs, and assumptions about the world…where we come from, purpose, meaning, happiness, religion, spirituality, physics, psychology, evolution, health, wellness…all of it.  Our minds are an incredible gift, and I’m striving to put mine to good use.

8. “When Opportunity Knocks, Answer the Door.”

I’ve always been one to seize opportunities when they pop up.  My current job is no exception.  A couple of years ago, I was given the incredible opportunity to change from my previous job doing lab work and managing contracts to my current job in organizational development.

Every day, I get to help people learn more about themselves, develop a variety of skills, and work better as a team.  Essentially, it’s part of my job to make our organization a better place to work.  Aside from getting to help others, the greatest part about my job has been the opportunities to learn and grow.

My supervisor has actually been more like a mentor to me.  She’s sent me out to a variety of trainings, conferences, and workshops, has encouraged me to participate in various programs, supported my graduate coursework, and provided me with an open and safe environment to learn, grow, and test out my new skills.

It’s really her guidance and support that have gotten me to where I am now.  Without all she has given me over the past couple of years, I probably wouldn’t even be writing this post right now.  Forget Red Bull, Cheryl gave me wings!

9. “Life is Good.”

Despite all of these lessons learned, skills acquired, and amazing opportunities, there are just some days when I feel tired, confused, frustrated, sick of work…the list goes on and on.  You know, life happens.

Then I come home, and the first face I see is a tiny, fuzzy one.  It’s my dog, Ziva, and she couldn’t be more thrilled to see me!  Her whole body wiggles back and forth, like her bottom half can’t communicate with her top half.  It’s as if she’s saying to me, “Oh I missed you so much, and I’m just so happy to be with you!  You’re great, and this is great, and yay, yay, yay!”  Oh, and did I mention this will happen if I’m at work for 8 hours or at the mailbox for 8 seconds?

Ziva is always living in the moment, and teaching me to do the same. Greeting everyone is great, eating is great, playing ball is great, going for walks is great, hiking is great, lying around watching TV is great, and getting snug in bed is great.  In short, Ziva is my constant reminder that life really is good.

So what have I learned?

Surround yourself with incredible people! Oh, and a dog. 

There are things that you do and things that you have, but nothing is more important than the people you are with.

So many times when people have incredible experiences, someone asks, “What was the best part?” or “What will you remember most?”  Nine times out of ten, the answer is…the people!  The people are what make our experiences and our journey so amazing and so worth it.

What have you learned from the ones you love?

Who are the incredible people in your life?  How have they influenced you?  Here’s your chance to give a shout out to the teachers, mentors, and role models in your life!

One more important shout out…

This post is part of an incredible series developed by Abubakar Jamil and Farnoosh Brock, two amazing writers and incredibly inspirational people.  I was so honored to receive an invitation to contribute and to be included among the wisdom of all the beautiful bloggers that have participated in the Life Lessons series.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much I have learned from all of you in such a short time and how thankful I am to have you with me on my journey!